Once upon a time, I had a great first date.
I thought that this great first date would turn into a great second date… I could not have been more wrong.

The guy was about my age, tall, handsome, employed. He seemed normal.
We met at a local restaurant for drinks and appetizers that turned into dinner. We talked and laughed. It was good. At the end of the date he asked if he could see me again the next night, I excitedly agreed.

I drove home that night thinking that the online dating thing could really be working out, finally.

We met the next evening at another restaurant, ordered drinks and appetizers and I expected everything to be as great as the night before, if not better.

The laughing and chatting began as the night before, it seemed very comfortable.

Then, he brought up the topic of circumcision.

I promise you that I had not been talking about penises.

He began to tell me that he felt that he had been wronged by having been circumcised, the decision was made without his consent… I think he was more than a little resentful about the fact.

I laughed nervously and tried to change the subject, I was very uncomfortable… yet, he was undeterred.

He continued to tell me that he had DONE SOME RESEARCH ON THE INTERNET. Those 5 words are some of the most horrifying that you can hear on a second date, when the man sitting across from you is discussing his personal circumcision.

Again, I tried to change the subject. Again, unsuccessfully.

Before my mind decided to retreat into its safe place, this is what he told me…

He had created what I’d like to call a Faux Foreskin. Well, like is probably not the right word… but I digress.

With strategically placed surgical tape and string, one can create a certain amount of traction on the skin of a penis… AND after months of this, the skin stretches, eventually stretching enough to serve as a hat for his little head, maybe a scarf is a better word.

Anyway…

This little conversation detour left me at a complete loss for words, which is something that seldom happens.

I sat there silently, munching on nachos, wondering how someone who had, just 24 hours prior, seemed so normal and had so much potential, could turn into someone who was penis-obsessed and had HUGE mother issues??

I sucked down my beer and proclaimed that I had to get home; I had an early morning the next day, threw some money down on the table and left…

I know that this may have not been the best way to handle the situation, but I discovered in the span of 10 or 15 minutes that a Faux Foreskin is one of my deal breakers.

Please don’t mistake my aversion to a faux foreskin to mean that I have an aversion to the penis in its natural, uncut state, I do not. It doesn’t bother me at all. I just expect everyone I’m intimate with to practice exceptional hygiene… that is all.

When I recounted this story to my girlfriends, all that they wanted to know was “DID YOU SEE IT?”

I did not, although I think he was priming me, thinking that I was, in fact, going to see it that night.

When I got home that night, I did a little RESEARCH ON THE INTERNET. Apparently, Faux Foreskins are a thing. He isn’t the only one doing it.

Continuing to date only destroys what little hope I had in humanity…