The Miserable Case of the Bipolar Bear

Guys who call themselves HOTT.

In my opinion they fall into one of two categories.

1. NOT HOtt at all.
2. Looks good on the outside, but , in actuality, a total sack of shit.

Guys that look good and call themselves HOTT are like an éclair… Looks so delicious until you bite into it and it’s filled with gag inducing cream.

I turned a guy down last night… a guy who was only too happy to talk about his career as an attorney, his “lifestyle” that I’d LOVE and the fact that he was too HOTT to be on a dating site.

First of all… HE WAS NOT HOTT… Not even a little bit… and he was a smarmy, creepy, douchey, asshat.

After I bid him goodbye, he sent me over 50 text messages… that ran the gamut between begging me to come back, telling me that I’m ugly, to saying that he was calling an Asian hooker and he was going to send me video of their activities (this was the point when I blocked him, thank you iOS 7).

Here’s an example of a text:

This was followed by texts stating that my tattoos were ugly, followed by pleading to come “snuggle” with him…

This guy was not only a fuckweasel, but also a bipolar bear…

I’M SO DONE…

Abhorrent Attraction

I told you recently that I had rejoined the online dating world. At this point, I am not completely sure why.  I am chatting with a couple of guys, one seems WAY TOO EAGER to meet me, I’m not sure how to deal with this.  Am I just what he’s been looking for? OR… is he fucking crazy?  It’s impossible to know until you’ve met.  Am I going to meet him?  I’m not sure yet.

Last night, I get this message:

 Grandpa Sid wants me to sit on his lap…Shivers…

One of my friends (you know who you are) got WAAAAYYYY too much enjoyment out of this.

If you look closely at the photo, Grandpa Sid appears to have a hard-on… I threw up a little bit in my mouth.

I also get this totally romantic message, from a child:

 I will never understand this methodology, maybe I’m just a prude??

Apparently my phone is feeling my pain, understanding my desire to get laid.  When updating my Facebook status using talk-to-text it mis-interpreted “bracken county”. Glad I checked it before I posted, my family would have really been impressed!!!

If I’m going to be honest, I am perpetually in “fucking horny”, no trip necessary!!

AND lastly, yesterday I went on a Scott Kelby Worldwide Photo Walk.  There was not one single guy in the group… Traditional dating, my fucking ass… I can NEVER meet anyone.

Anyway, here’s a post from the walk…http://reflectionsuponmyreality2.wordpress.com/2013/10/06/100-strangers-project-continued/

Spreadsheet Dating…

There are 4 men on my radar now.

I know, it’s either feast or famine.

So I think, to help prevent myself from making more bad decisions, I’m going to make a spreadsheet.  Maybe assign a point system and see how things add up.

Here is the list and a short back story for each.

#1

I dated him for a couple of months 2 years ago, at the same time that I was getting sick.

I faded out because I didn’t think that it was fair to him to get involved with someone who was sick, especially since we didn’t know what the outcome would be.

We have continued to stay in touch, we get along great.

When I mentioned us trying to date again months ago, he was hesitant because of my previous fade out… totally understandable.

But last week he says that we need to get together and talk about it, hopefully that will happen tonight.  He works a crazy swing shift schedule, which really isn’t all that awful for me, because I like my alone time (curse of the only child).

AND I will be riding to Jersey with him next week to pick up his new motorcycle… ROAD TRIP!!

 

#2

We have randomly hooked up and went out over the last 2 years.

He was what I’d call relationship-phobic and I knew that going in, so we’ve had fun together when I haven’t been seeing someone and/or have time.

He recently told me that he’d like to try to give me what I want relationship-wise.

He’s funny, charming, has dimples and works A LOT.

Depending on his work, he wants to go out Saturday night.

 

#3

“Met” on OKC, have been chatting for a few weeks.

He’s a doctor.  I don’t usually care for doctors, I’ve dated a few and just never vibed with them, maybe because I’m a nurse and I know them from another perspective, I don’t know.

But I chatted with him for a while before he even told me, so he’s not all “I’m a doctor, you should fuck me” kinda dude.

He’s wicked cute.

We have talked about meeting, and he tells me he likes my “look”… so we shall see.

 

#4

“Met” on OKC, been chatting over a week or so.

He’s a dealer at a casino, works crazy hours.

He’s a romantic and we have a lot of things in common… he’s definitely interested.  We have talked about meeting, but haven’t set anything up.  With my schedule it will be a couple of weeks probably.  We will see if we both remain interested.

 

I just want to get off of the merry-go-round.  If none of these work out, I’m absolutely going on hiatus… I have to.

Cyber-Slap Me

Well, tonight I meet Facebook Guy (FG) I’m excited, but I’m not getting my hopes up, because I REFUSE to ever do that again… so if you notice that I’m getting my hopes up, give me a cyber-slap to the back of the head… PLEASE.

Last night during our non-stop textathon that has lasted 2 days, FG told me that he was poor.  He doesn’t have cable (no biggie, there’s never anything on it anyway) or a sofa.

Since I have a friend in the cyber-world that also doesn’t have a sofa, I hesitate to make any judgment regarding this.

Do I expect a man to take care of me? NO.  I’m a big girl; I can take care of myself.

Would I like a man to, EVENTUALLY, split bills with? HELL YES.

I once went out with a well-to-do older guy who said “I’d like to take care of you”.  It totally freaked me out and I went running for the hills.

Yea, I know, I have issues.  Speaking of issues, Boom and I were discussing the joys of not working last week, and I said that it was impossible for me not to work, being single and all.  He said unless I had a disability or something.

I said “Well I do have issues.”

He laughed and said “Uuuummm, I know, remember, we’ve met.”  HAHA

And the way we met only reinforces the severity of my issues.

 

Two years ago, I moved to my current city, at the same time I was getting sick with my autoimmune disease and I started dating this guy with the best smile I’ve ever seen in my ENTIRE life.  At the time I was in to bicycling, he was too, we got along really well.

Then I got sicker.

And I do what I do, I faded out.

We continued to stay in touch.  I once suggested that we try to date again but he admitted that he was “once bit, twice shy” and I really can’t blame him.  So I took it on the chin and we’ve remained friends.

He works a ridiculously fucked up swing-shift kinda schedule, which he says is making him hesitate to even get in a relationship.

So last night, we were texting, like we do almost every night and he says “Nothing easy in my life” (semi in jest) and I say “I’m the girl that you won’t date, you don’t have to tell me”.  He responds with “Ouch… a shot fired”. I apologized, it was late and I haven’t slept in days.

Then he says “It’s ok, you can speak what’s on your mind.  Perhaps we should have drinks and talk more about this.”  I said that I’d like that.  And I really would.

Is he softening? I don’t know.

Would I pick back up with him? Yes, in a heartbeat.

I realize that I fucked it up with him, I was sick and didn’t know how things were going to go, I didn’t want to drag anyone down with me… in retrospect, I know that I should have let him make that decision… but I thought I was doing what was best.  And really, what the fuck do I know anyway???

Tomorrow I’m going to a Reds game with my family and a BFF… 2 family weekends in a row… so bizarre!!!

OH AND… I have my first wedding scheduled for May, 2014!!

Have a great weekend peeps and fellow crazy girls!!!!

You’re Killing Me OKC…

OKC… why is this happening???

Shouldn’t he just have said “I hate your ink, but I still think you’re fuckable”?

Is it wrong that I’m not flattered or ready to jump in the sack with him??

So I reply with “SO… you hate my ink, but think I’m fuckable?”

And I get this…

I’m so out I should be in Siberia…

Have Some Self Respect Woman…

Ok, I decided I am NOT having drinks with the ex.. that would only go one of two ways, neither of which would be good.

But, I did reactivate my OkCupid profile… I need some attention.  I’ve gotten about 10 messages in 2 hours.  Who knows if I’ll ever meet any of them, but I am not completely ruling it out.

I’ll probably start freaking out by tomorrow and deactivate my account again, but maybe not, I should suck it up until I meet THE ONE… right?? hahaha, yea right…

Maybe something will work out… the guy that wants to “try” and give me what I need, he just started a new job but suggested we go out this weekend… he will be known as BD from here on out.

I’m not ruling out BD, he’s adorable and we had some chemistry and he never did anything that made me think he’s a total fuckweasel.

Maybe OKC will bring Mr.Right to my email box, and maybe I won’t be too pessimistic to realize that it’s him…

It could totally happen, right?

If nothing else, maybe I’ll get some interesting stories.  I have decided that if things don’t turn around this week, I’m going to say yes to every date I’m asked on for the next month.  That should not be a total fucking disaster at all.

OH MY GOD (dammit)

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!

HOLD THE PRESSES!!

OMG girl is seeing someone.  OMG girl is the ridiculously annoying girl in my office that says OH MY GOD all the time… sometimes I just want to staple her mouth shut with my electric stapler.

All I can think is, WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?

It’s not that I wish she wasn’t see anyone, I don’t usually wish BAD things on people.  But DAMMIT, I want a turn!

I don’t say OH MY GOD all the time, although I’ll concede that I may say FUCK a little too much, but only when it’s appropriate.

I’m not hideous all the time.

I’m fairly intelligent.

I’m a fantastic kisser.

I’ve been told I’m funny and fun to be around.

Sometimes I look like a “cute cartoon character” (that was sarcastic).

I like to think that I’m lovable.  I suppose I’m disillusioned.

FUCK.

Feeling Intensely Awkward

I’ve been on a lot of first dates, a few second dates… sometimes I just ended up being friends with the guy.  And everyone lives happily ever after…

 

Until the point I realize that we are not, in fact, friends.

 

I just discovered this with Metal Guy (MG).  I saw MG 2 times a few months back.  He was a nice interesting guy, that I just didn’t see or feel anything happening with.

 

He never “made a move” on me, so I assumed that he felt the same way.  It’s all good.

 

Fast forward to yesterday, when I do something stupid, because… well because it’s just what I do.

 

MG is a computer graphic guy and I had this awesome image that I had taken and edited, I thought he’d appreciate it.  So I sent it to him and asked him how he was.

 

He says he’s ok, then it goes to shit.

 

He says how disappointed he was, that he was hopeful about me and asked what he did wrong.

 

Fuck… I hate this.

 

I told him that he did nothing wrong, which he didn’t, I just wasn’t sure what I wanted at the time.  I tried to avoid saying that I just didn’t “feel it”.

 

He mentioned being “bitter” which surprised me and I apologized.  He asked me why I apologized and I said it was for inspiring bitterness.

He said if it wasn’t me it would probably have been someone else.

 

When I got home from work last night, I went “off the grid” which means disconnecting from all electronics.  They’re exhausting and I’d been suffering from insomnia.

 

While I was disconnected, he texted and asked “If I asked you out again, would you?”

 

I saw the message this morning and I didn’t reply.  I know, rude.

 

So, about an hour ago I get another text from him saying “wow”.

 

I told him about going off the grid and said that I didn’t know.  That I thought he was pretty intense and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that.

 

He didn’t believe me, said that I was rude and that he should thank me because he “dodged a bullet” with me… oh and that he’d lose my number “with a quickness”.

 

There were and continue to be more texts… I feel like an ass.  I hate it when I feel like an ass .

 

But, I was, obviously, not wrong about him being too intense.

Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater…

It seems like when one ex attempts to resurface, they all do.

They may not even be exes that I had an official “relationship” with, they could just be someone that I dated and then I faded out (fading out is what I do… technically I never “broke up” with the last 3 guys I’ve dated).

I have had, in the last week, professions of love, offers to give me money and to buy new tires for my car, a confession that “no one else makes me feel the way you do”, an “I miss your cute ass” and various other admissions.

It is not my habit to go back for seconds… if something didn’t work, there was a reason and everyone should just move on.

One man was guilty of the first 3 admissions that I listed. He was a man that I once thought that I loved.

I’ll never forget the first night that we met… we had been chatting for a while, having met through a dating site.
It was the Friday after Thanksgiving almost 4 years ago. I was alone and bummed, so I proposed that we meet, THAT NIGHT.

He was working and wouldn’t be off until that evening, when he would take a taxi back into the city.

I volunteered to pick him up.

When he walked out to my car with his duffle bag thrown over his shoulder, I got butterflies in my tummy, it was a feeling I was unaccustomed to.

We chatted nervously on the drive, when we got back to the city, we stopped for a beer. Things began to flow at that point, we laughed, we flirted, and we made out in the car.

Things progressed, I traveled out of town with him a few times, and I felt like part of a couple.

Until I didn’t.

Around Christmas he got distant, traveling more, just being absent. It hurt and I backed off… way off.

I started dating other guys.

Then he was back, professing his love.

He asked me to go to Vegas with him and get married.

Something still felt hinky to me; I couldn’t take him or his proposal seriously.
I won’t go into the hows and the whys, but I discovered that he was married.

I was so fucking furious; I wanted to release a colony of fire ants on his balls. He made me into one person that I swore I’d never be… THE OTHER WOMAN.

I would never, knowingly, be an instrument to someone else’s pain (except his) that’s not how I roll.

But he never went away, even when I told him that I wanted him to die, when I was in other relationships, he never gave up. Which one could say would point to some instability.

I will admit that I’ve seen him a couple of times… sometimes I’m weak. Seeing him has been subsequent to his divorce. I still have some standards.

It’s been almost 4 years; he still says that he loves me… is that even possible? I don’t know, I personally am not sure I’ve ever been in love, so how could I know?

I have to be able to trust someone, I feel like if I gave in to him, moved in with him, whatever… that I’d never be able to trust him. He doesn’t travel anymore, so he probably has less opportunity…

And I really need some love.

But once a cheater, always a cheater… right??

Yes, I’m a Snob…

I’ve been called a Beer Snob and a Music Snob in the last couple of weeks.  I am not offended, it’s true, I am what I am.  I do not think that either of these monikers affect my ability to find a suitable mate, or even an unsuitable one for that matter.

I carry these titles with a little bit of pride, however, I do not brag, it’s not my style.

But, what is hindering me from finding an unsuitable mate, is the fact that I’m a little bit of a grammar snob.

Come on, I know I’m not alone.  I see enough eCards bitching about their, there and they’re to know that it’s a weeding out process that MANY of us implement.

I don’t AUTOMATICALLY judge based on a silly spelling error, everyone does it.  Poor spelling isn’t necessarily an indication of a low IQ, so I’ve heard.  I mean, I WAY overuse the ellipses.  My editor was always happy to point that out, but I’m stubborn and I love the ellipses.  “We don’t need to know when the writer pauses to think” he would say.  I think that you do.

I do have to say that a lack of the ability to use spell-check does indicate either lack of intelligence, lack of seriousness, lack of a give-a-fuck or an “I’m above trying” attitude.  None of that inability draws me.  Call me a snob.

Here is the messaging that inspired this post:

Dating site email:

Do you have a lot in common which is cool I was going get a tattoo down below that said noddy by nature lol do you like your tattoos very sexy reading your profile seems like you had a great personality an funny love that

My reply:
Lol well if you decide to get that tattoo, I’d spell it NAUGHTY or people will assume you can’t hold your head up… And if it’s downstairs, they will doubt your ability to obtain an erection… Just a word to the wise.
Thanks for the compliments btw…

His reply:
Oh my god that is too funny I don’t think they would care what it said lol if the horse was playing lol I think they would just want to saddle up in ride

Draw your own conclusions…

Come on folks, learn to spell!!!