OH MY GOD (dammit)

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!

HOLD THE PRESSES!!

OMG girl is seeing someone.  OMG girl is the ridiculously annoying girl in my office that says OH MY GOD all the time… sometimes I just want to staple her mouth shut with my electric stapler.

All I can think is, WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?

It’s not that I wish she wasn’t see anyone, I don’t usually wish BAD things on people.  But DAMMIT, I want a turn!

I don’t say OH MY GOD all the time, although I’ll concede that I may say FUCK a little too much, but only when it’s appropriate.

I’m not hideous all the time.

I’m fairly intelligent.

I’m a fantastic kisser.

I’ve been told I’m funny and fun to be around.

Sometimes I look like a “cute cartoon character” (that was sarcastic).

I like to think that I’m lovable.  I suppose I’m disillusioned.

FUCK.

Thanks Karma, For Not Working AGAINST Me!

Once in a while, all the stars line up and a person is actually lucky enough to witness Karma in action.

 

I was this lucky person last night.  I have to say that it made me absolutely giddy with pleasure.

 

First, the backstory…

 

A few months ago, I met a guy (online).  We knew several of the same people, had been at events at the same time, etc, etc… but had never met.  So we start chatting, texting, phone calls…

 

Then we have a date.

 

It seemed great; we laughed, ate and drank (probably my critical mistake).  Ended up leaving the bar and returning to my place.

 

Hey, don’t judge, it had been a while.

 

So… bow-chica-wow-wow… He leaves and I crashed hard.

 

I NEVER HEARD FROM HIM AGAIN.

 

Not even a “Fuck you, kiss my ass”.

 

I chalked it up to my own stupidity, erased him from my life and moved on.

 

Now, fast forward to yesterday.

 

I was signed up to do a photography MeetUp, I get alerts for the people that were signing up, bowing out, etc…

 

Guess who I see signs up??

 

Yup, Mr.Douchebag Fraidy Cat.

 

My first thought was “I bet I’ll be the last person he expects to see!”

 

I know he saw me… he went off with another group and I went on my merry way… I am not generally confrontational.

 

So a little later in the evening, I head to the area behind a fountain, to capture an image of the bridge through the water.  I didn’t notice that he was behind the fountain next to me and his camera bag was right behind me.

So, as I’m fooling around with my camera and tripod, he walks over, I turn, realize it’s him and I say “Hi” (I am the bigger person) and he says “Hi” back, clearly uncomfortable, he grabs his camera bag to make a quick retreat.

 

When he picks up the bag, the contents tumble out onto the pavement… really nice camera lens included.

 

He picks up the lens, shakes it near his ear, then looking very sad… he walks away.

 

How you like that mutherfucker???  Karma can be a bitch… now, eat your shit sandwich and quit being such a fuckweasel.

What Started it All…

The image that started it all with The Intense One…
Pretty cool, right?

Feeling Intensely Awkward

I’ve been on a lot of first dates, a few second dates… sometimes I just ended up being friends with the guy.  And everyone lives happily ever after…

 

Until the point I realize that we are not, in fact, friends.

 

I just discovered this with Metal Guy (MG).  I saw MG 2 times a few months back.  He was a nice interesting guy, that I just didn’t see or feel anything happening with.

 

He never “made a move” on me, so I assumed that he felt the same way.  It’s all good.

 

Fast forward to yesterday, when I do something stupid, because… well because it’s just what I do.

 

MG is a computer graphic guy and I had this awesome image that I had taken and edited, I thought he’d appreciate it.  So I sent it to him and asked him how he was.

 

He says he’s ok, then it goes to shit.

 

He says how disappointed he was, that he was hopeful about me and asked what he did wrong.

 

Fuck… I hate this.

 

I told him that he did nothing wrong, which he didn’t, I just wasn’t sure what I wanted at the time.  I tried to avoid saying that I just didn’t “feel it”.

 

He mentioned being “bitter” which surprised me and I apologized.  He asked me why I apologized and I said it was for inspiring bitterness.

He said if it wasn’t me it would probably have been someone else.

 

When I got home from work last night, I went “off the grid” which means disconnecting from all electronics.  They’re exhausting and I’d been suffering from insomnia.

 

While I was disconnected, he texted and asked “If I asked you out again, would you?”

 

I saw the message this morning and I didn’t reply.  I know, rude.

 

So, about an hour ago I get another text from him saying “wow”.

 

I told him about going off the grid and said that I didn’t know.  That I thought he was pretty intense and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that.

 

He didn’t believe me, said that I was rude and that he should thank me because he “dodged a bullet” with me… oh and that he’d lose my number “with a quickness”.

 

There were and continue to be more texts… I feel like an ass.  I hate it when I feel like an ass .

 

But, I was, obviously, not wrong about him being too intense.

Over-Eager Headbanging…

Excited VS over-eager VS weirdo

This is a line that I have no idea how to traverse.

If I like someone, I like them, that’s pretty simple.

But, at this point in my life, I don’t know the proper (acceptable) way to show it.

My mind is constantly running in excess of the speed limit, and the ideas sometimes come fast and furious and I need (ok, want) to share them.

Yet…

I don’t want to overwhelm anyone.  And thanks to truly BATSHIT crazy women who may have come before me, a lot of guys are gun-shy.

Understandable.

Just because I have a lot of ideas or a lot of things to say to someone, doesn’t mean that I have fallen madly, insanely in love.  I just have a lot of things to say… and if I dig someone, I want to say things to them.  That’s just how I gyre (a round shape formed by a series of concentric circles… see you learned something today, you’re welcome).

I have now gathered enough experience to temper my excitement and try not to do anything to frighten the elusive normal, available man away.

Am I not being true to myself?

Hhhhhmmmm…

I think I’m still being me, just dialed down to a 6 instead of all the way up to 11.

If someone ever truly likes me and wants to be involved in a relationship with me, they’ll accept that about me and maybe it will even endear me to them.

“Communication without filters” is a phrase that was mentioned to me recently.  I like that.  My filter is mostly nonfunctioning anyway, although I seriously try to keep things a little in check.  Really, I do!

I guess “Just be Yourself” isn’t bad advice… I’ll just keep the volume at a moderate level until I know that the listener is, indeed, a head banger.

Type Of Women Men Fall For « ENERGY 103.7

Type Of Women Men Fall For « ENERGY 103.7.

I am so screwed… who has a mom that looks like me for fuck’s sake???

You Gotta Read This…

I spent a weekend with only my own company and that of a texting friend (you know who you are) and it wasn’t awful.  I had the camera out and I enjoyed my own company… it’s a fucking good thing that I enjoy it, it seems that not many others do.

I got a few decent photos, so it was worthwhile.

I got creeped on in the ghetto Kroger, I guess I’ll stop going there.

“Hey girl, your tattoos look good… is your man here?”

To which I replied “Thank you, he’s in the car.”

Gotta hand it to the guy, there was no shame in his game.  That never happens in the suburban Kroger.

Anyway, when going through some of my files, I have TONS of files, I came across this copy of a message that I had gotten on the dating site a couple of months ago.

It was interesting, and he OBVIOUSLY read my profile (which we all know is unusual), even though he thought that there was a chance that I’m a fatty, he was still willing to give me a pass on it.

I actually did chat with him for a while, but I really felt no attraction for him at all.  He did seem genuine about the whole dream thing, and if he wasn’t, it was pretty clever.

Wow! Did youwrite that for me becuase it has me all over it! And I have never said that on this site which is the only site I’m on.

Normally I wouldn’t ramble on but you gotta read this!

My freinds and fam would say I’m anything but normal (although I have become somewhat normalized through the years – maybe you could help me get back to being my quirky self again :).

Skinny, blond, and tan seem to also be dizzy and stuck on themselves – been there done that – good luck to them ha ha.

I love tats,just not on me. My dtr has a couple. I used to rock the bar quite often, not so much anymore. Been there done that too (and still do on occasion. When I do it’s local dives “where everybody knows your name”.

Absolutely love adventure, specially nature, locally, and with the right companion, mountains, beaches, architectural wonders and landmarks, you bring the camera, just sayin.

Defiinetly believe in the paranormal, went to a couple seyonces (I know the spelling is wrong ha ha) when I was younger.

I love a wide variety of music, favs are classic rock, blues, and old country, you can throw in a couple raps also ( goina rob a jewelry store and tell em make me a grill). Have you seen Sonny Morman here locally, best local blues rock musician.

I want, I need a fun, smart adventurous girl. For God sakes I miss intelligent conversation ha ha.

I adore country gals!

SRV forever!

Your a Leo, I’m a Leo, awesome! You’re probably opinionated and not afraid to speak your mind. Great! Except in one respect –  I definitely want a girl that likes me being the dominant btw…
I’ll lead the way to beautiful scenery and you take the pics, or redirect me if you feel the need :).

I love my 1000 thead count sheets :).

Always sing to the radio – lookout ha ha. Even karoke from time to time (double lookout LMAO).

Now for the really weird sh**. I had a dream and woke up from it and checked my POF. The dream was about a girl that looked like you. No Sh**. Didn’t look like anyu girl I know or have seen recently, until you came up in my searches. I’m not bs’ing you!

I woke up at 4:30, and checked POF which I never do, at least not at 4:30 in the frikin morning! There you were!

Which is why I had to send this too you.

It has now been over an hour since I started writing you and I gotta get ready to go to a meeting. I’m in Worcester, MA now and after the meeting have to drive to Conneticut and take the Ferry over to Long Island for another meeting. The last thing I needed to be doing was getting on POF. But, if you get this, and I mean get it, then it was worth it.

Ok, there are a couple differences, which to me is cool, not a zombie fan and I do believe in God. I’m mnot necessarily attracted to heavy women, your pics are confusing on that subject. I’m definitely attracted to you! My pics aren’t that great, specially the one with my face shoved up against the camera. Guess what I’m trying to say is I’ve dated younger than you and have never had any complaints, except that maybe I’m a little “trippy” :). I’m not exactly in or outa shape. Right now maybe more so outa than in but I always change that when it happens. Not looking for perfect, just something real and right for me and you.

And oh yeah, by the way, I know I’m older than you but that’s only a number. I love life and I’m full of it, so let’s see where this adventure takes us!

Call me, or text me, if you want give me your number and I’ll reach you. 513-xxx-xxxx.

Just a girl and her camera…

Refocus…

I am taking a break from meeting anyone new right now.

I’m just going to work with what I’ve got, I’ve hidden my profiles or disabled them (of course that is assuming that they were ABLE to begin with haha, which I don’t think they were).

I need to focus on my fiction, my photography, my charitable organization and ME.

Maybe I’ll focus on being pretty? Or attempting to?  Let’s see how this works out…

sigh… it’s been a rough week here in my head.

Here is a sample of some of my work…

Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater…

It seems like when one ex attempts to resurface, they all do.

They may not even be exes that I had an official “relationship” with, they could just be someone that I dated and then I faded out (fading out is what I do… technically I never “broke up” with the last 3 guys I’ve dated).

I have had, in the last week, professions of love, offers to give me money and to buy new tires for my car, a confession that “no one else makes me feel the way you do”, an “I miss your cute ass” and various other admissions.

It is not my habit to go back for seconds… if something didn’t work, there was a reason and everyone should just move on.

One man was guilty of the first 3 admissions that I listed. He was a man that I once thought that I loved.

I’ll never forget the first night that we met… we had been chatting for a while, having met through a dating site.
It was the Friday after Thanksgiving almost 4 years ago. I was alone and bummed, so I proposed that we meet, THAT NIGHT.

He was working and wouldn’t be off until that evening, when he would take a taxi back into the city.

I volunteered to pick him up.

When he walked out to my car with his duffle bag thrown over his shoulder, I got butterflies in my tummy, it was a feeling I was unaccustomed to.

We chatted nervously on the drive, when we got back to the city, we stopped for a beer. Things began to flow at that point, we laughed, we flirted, and we made out in the car.

Things progressed, I traveled out of town with him a few times, and I felt like part of a couple.

Until I didn’t.

Around Christmas he got distant, traveling more, just being absent. It hurt and I backed off… way off.

I started dating other guys.

Then he was back, professing his love.

He asked me to go to Vegas with him and get married.

Something still felt hinky to me; I couldn’t take him or his proposal seriously.
I won’t go into the hows and the whys, but I discovered that he was married.

I was so fucking furious; I wanted to release a colony of fire ants on his balls. He made me into one person that I swore I’d never be… THE OTHER WOMAN.

I would never, knowingly, be an instrument to someone else’s pain (except his) that’s not how I roll.

But he never went away, even when I told him that I wanted him to die, when I was in other relationships, he never gave up. Which one could say would point to some instability.

I will admit that I’ve seen him a couple of times… sometimes I’m weak. Seeing him has been subsequent to his divorce. I still have some standards.

It’s been almost 4 years; he still says that he loves me… is that even possible? I don’t know, I personally am not sure I’ve ever been in love, so how could I know?

I have to be able to trust someone, I feel like if I gave in to him, moved in with him, whatever… that I’d never be able to trust him. He doesn’t travel anymore, so he probably has less opportunity…

And I really need some love.

But once a cheater, always a cheater… right??

Quote of the Day

“You have a lot of tattoos; have you always had them?” said clueless coworker.

“I wasn’t born with them” said snarky TrippyB.

I really need to find a new career.