The Miserable Case of the Bipolar Bear

Guys who call themselves HOTT.

In my opinion they fall into one of two categories.

1. NOT HOtt at all.
2. Looks good on the outside, but , in actuality, a total sack of shit.

Guys that look good and call themselves HOTT are like an éclair… Looks so delicious until you bite into it and it’s filled with gag inducing cream.

I turned a guy down last night… a guy who was only too happy to talk about his career as an attorney, his “lifestyle” that I’d LOVE and the fact that he was too HOTT to be on a dating site.

First of all… HE WAS NOT HOTT… Not even a little bit… and he was a smarmy, creepy, douchey, asshat.

After I bid him goodbye, he sent me over 50 text messages… that ran the gamut between begging me to come back, telling me that I’m ugly, to saying that he was calling an Asian hooker and he was going to send me video of their activities (this was the point when I blocked him, thank you iOS 7).

Here’s an example of a text:

This was followed by texts stating that my tattoos were ugly, followed by pleading to come “snuggle” with him…

This guy was not only a fuckweasel, but also a bipolar bear…

I’M SO DONE…

I’m Charging Your HMO

Why are my feelings hurt because I feel rejected by someone that I didn’t even want in the first place??

How fucked up is that?

I met the doctor the other day, we went for a walk in the park, I took photos and he basically told me his entire life story… well, minus the part that occurred before middle school.

So the entire time, I’m doing the math in my head.

Cute +1

Employed +1

4 Kids -4

Needs therapy -1

Can’t picture myself doing the boom-boom -10

TOTAL -13

After that meeting I only heard from him one time.  But we had a fun texting relationship prior to meeting.

Once I got back to work today and had time to think about it, I felt that pang of rejection in my tummy… that feeling that I’ll never be good enough, that no one will ever want me, yada yada yada…

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??

So, I texted him this morning about something we had discussed and asked if he didn’t want me to contact him again.  He says he does want to but he didn’t know how to “approach” it.

I responded with “I could tell there wasn’t any chemistry; I know that I’m not for everyone.”

He told me that I was cute, funny but that he was looking to feel a “tingle”.  So he obviously couldn’t picture himself doing the boom-boom with me. For the record, I’m damn good at the boom-boom!

Do I want to be wanted just for the sake of being wanted??  What kind of mental disorder is that?  I’m not a narcissist or an egomaniac; I’m actually pretty damn self-deprecating.

I met one other guy at a coffee shop during my days off… who also told me his entire life story, including, but not limited to, his totally insane ex.

Fuck me.

I stayed longer than I wanted to, only because he drove 90 minutes to see me, even after I tried really hard to discourage him.

Before I left, I took his hand in mine and said “Let me give you a little advice, the next time you meet a girl, do not tell her all about your ex in the first hour, ease her into it, if you must.  It’s really overwhelming.”

Then I departed, but not before finding a Nazi knife in the coffee shop parking lot.

I told a friend that I felt like a therapist and I was going to start charging their insurance for the visits.  This friend is a friend that I spoon with on occasion.  He said “Did you tell them you already have a client in Fairfield?”

That’s me, therapist to every man that doesn’t want me…

I actually have come up with the term that describes one off the afflictions that I’m saddled with… PTDS.  You might say “Don’t you mean PTSD?”

NO, it’s PTDS, post traumatic dating syndrome… it’s a thing.

Thanks A Lot Universe

I think that the universe was fucking with me.

Something transpired with FG and a text message that I received that wasn’t meant for me.  One of my BFFs was also creeping on his Facebook and many of his posts seem angry.  I’m not a person that can deal with that and she knows it.  She texted me and asked if I had read his FB posts, I hadn’t (I’d make a terrible stalker), so I did.  The posts made me uncomfortable.

So, since I felt so hinky, I texted him and cancelled, I said that maybe we could reschedule for tomorrow, mainly to see what his response would be.  All that he replied was “yup”.

I think I’ll just drink wine and take antihistamines tonight.

Improving Karma

Yesterday I get a text message from a number that was unknown to me asking “Is this B?”

I hesitate to answer.  But after a little while, I reply “Yes”.

Before I continue, let me give you the backstory.

Last fall (I think) I went to dinner with a guy, he was nice, we talked, I enjoyed dinner, but kinda knew he wasn’t for me.

However, we remained Facebook friends and would text from time to time.  There may have even been few drunken text messages exchanged on a couple of occasions.  He had invited me out for drinks several times, I never made it out.

I should also make this clear, we never even kissed, not once.

Ok, so fast forward to a couple of months ago.

I get this really nasty email on Facebook, from his GIRLFRIEND, who I didn’t even know existed.  I don’t remember everything the email said except for this statement “Your very existence offends me.”  And there was something about “she better not see me out anywhere.”  The last statement made me feel a little threatened.

So, I deleted the message, blocked both of them and moved on.

Back to yesterday’s text.

She replied saying that she was his GF  and she said “I think he lied to me about you and if so, I want to apologize.  I think he lied to me a lot about it all.  I’m sorry.”

I was floored, a gracious apology is not something that I’m accustomed to receiving.

She went on to tell me the things that he had said about me, which were 90% untrue.  That I was all jealous and kept hitting on him and dating his friends etc etc… so I can see how she formed her opinion of me.

I told her that I had been tempted to tell her about the relationship that he and I had (which really wasn’t a relationship at all) but, I  thought better of it, I wasn’t defending myself to someone I didn’t know for something I didn’t do.

I accepted her apology.

She asked “Did he, in fact, cheat on me?”

My reply “Not with me he didn’t.”

I told her that I am not the girl to go after a “taken” man or, especially, a man that didn’t want me!

We continued to chat a little bit, weird I know…  she mentioned that we were both photographers, we both write and we both have red hair… maybe that’s really the weird part?

Anyway, I don’t believe that he is beyond redemption (he probably would be if he was MY guy, but he’s not) I suggested that they talk about things and try to move on from it.

But, hey, what in the fuck do I know?????