Why are my feelings hurt because I feel rejected by someone that I didn’t even want in the first place??

How fucked up is that?

I met the doctor the other day, we went for a walk in the park, I took photos and he basically told me his entire life story… well, minus the part that occurred before middle school.

So the entire time, I’m doing the math in my head.

Cute +1

Employed +1

4 Kids -4

Needs therapy -1

Can’t picture myself doing the boom-boom -10

TOTAL -13

After that meeting I only heard from him one time.  But we had a fun texting relationship prior to meeting.

Once I got back to work today and had time to think about it, I felt that pang of rejection in my tummy… that feeling that I’ll never be good enough, that no one will ever want me, yada yada yada…

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??

So, I texted him this morning about something we had discussed and asked if he didn’t want me to contact him again.  He says he does want to but he didn’t know how to “approach” it.

I responded with “I could tell there wasn’t any chemistry; I know that I’m not for everyone.”

He told me that I was cute, funny but that he was looking to feel a “tingle”.  So he obviously couldn’t picture himself doing the boom-boom with me. For the record, I’m damn good at the boom-boom!

Do I want to be wanted just for the sake of being wanted??  What kind of mental disorder is that?  I’m not a narcissist or an egomaniac; I’m actually pretty damn self-deprecating.

I met one other guy at a coffee shop during my days off… who also told me his entire life story, including, but not limited to, his totally insane ex.

Fuck me.

I stayed longer than I wanted to, only because he drove 90 minutes to see me, even after I tried really hard to discourage him.

Before I left, I took his hand in mine and said “Let me give you a little advice, the next time you meet a girl, do not tell her all about your ex in the first hour, ease her into it, if you must.  It’s really overwhelming.”

Then I departed, but not before finding a Nazi knife in the coffee shop parking lot.

I told a friend that I felt like a therapist and I was going to start charging their insurance for the visits.  This friend is a friend that I spoon with on occasion.  He said “Did you tell them you already have a client in Fairfield?”

therapy

That’s me, therapist to every man that doesn’t want me…

I actually have come up with the term that describes one off the afflictions that I’m saddled with… PTDS.  You might say “Don’t you mean PTSD?”

NO, it’s PTDS, post traumatic dating syndrome… it’s a thing.