The Miserable Case of the Bipolar Bear

Guys who call themselves HOTT.

In my opinion they fall into one of two categories.

1. NOT HOtt at all.
2. Looks good on the outside, but , in actuality, a total sack of shit.

Guys that look good and call themselves HOTT are like an éclair… Looks so delicious until you bite into it and it’s filled with gag inducing cream.

I turned a guy down last night… a guy who was only too happy to talk about his career as an attorney, his “lifestyle” that I’d LOVE and the fact that he was too HOTT to be on a dating site.

First of all… HE WAS NOT HOTT… Not even a little bit… and he was a smarmy, creepy, douchey, asshat.

After I bid him goodbye, he sent me over 50 text messages… that ran the gamut between begging me to come back, telling me that I’m ugly, to saying that he was calling an Asian hooker and he was going to send me video of their activities (this was the point when I blocked him, thank you iOS 7).

Here’s an example of a text:

This was followed by texts stating that my tattoos were ugly, followed by pleading to come “snuggle” with him…

This guy was not only a fuckweasel, but also a bipolar bear…

I’M SO DONE…

Abhorrent Attraction

I told you recently that I had rejoined the online dating world. At this point, I am not completely sure why.  I am chatting with a couple of guys, one seems WAY TOO EAGER to meet me, I’m not sure how to deal with this.  Am I just what he’s been looking for? OR… is he fucking crazy?  It’s impossible to know until you’ve met.  Am I going to meet him?  I’m not sure yet.

Last night, I get this message:

 Grandpa Sid wants me to sit on his lap…Shivers…

One of my friends (you know who you are) got WAAAAYYYY too much enjoyment out of this.

If you look closely at the photo, Grandpa Sid appears to have a hard-on… I threw up a little bit in my mouth.

I also get this totally romantic message, from a child:

 I will never understand this methodology, maybe I’m just a prude??

Apparently my phone is feeling my pain, understanding my desire to get laid.  When updating my Facebook status using talk-to-text it mis-interpreted “bracken county”. Glad I checked it before I posted, my family would have really been impressed!!!

If I’m going to be honest, I am perpetually in “fucking horny”, no trip necessary!!

AND lastly, yesterday I went on a Scott Kelby Worldwide Photo Walk.  There was not one single guy in the group… Traditional dating, my fucking ass… I can NEVER meet anyone.

Anyway, here’s a post from the walk…http://reflectionsuponmyreality2.wordpress.com/2013/10/06/100-strangers-project-continued/

Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater…

It seems like when one ex attempts to resurface, they all do.

They may not even be exes that I had an official “relationship” with, they could just be someone that I dated and then I faded out (fading out is what I do… technically I never “broke up” with the last 3 guys I’ve dated).

I have had, in the last week, professions of love, offers to give me money and to buy new tires for my car, a confession that “no one else makes me feel the way you do”, an “I miss your cute ass” and various other admissions.

It is not my habit to go back for seconds… if something didn’t work, there was a reason and everyone should just move on.

One man was guilty of the first 3 admissions that I listed. He was a man that I once thought that I loved.

I’ll never forget the first night that we met… we had been chatting for a while, having met through a dating site.
It was the Friday after Thanksgiving almost 4 years ago. I was alone and bummed, so I proposed that we meet, THAT NIGHT.

He was working and wouldn’t be off until that evening, when he would take a taxi back into the city.

I volunteered to pick him up.

When he walked out to my car with his duffle bag thrown over his shoulder, I got butterflies in my tummy, it was a feeling I was unaccustomed to.

We chatted nervously on the drive, when we got back to the city, we stopped for a beer. Things began to flow at that point, we laughed, we flirted, and we made out in the car.

Things progressed, I traveled out of town with him a few times, and I felt like part of a couple.

Until I didn’t.

Around Christmas he got distant, traveling more, just being absent. It hurt and I backed off… way off.

I started dating other guys.

Then he was back, professing his love.

He asked me to go to Vegas with him and get married.

Something still felt hinky to me; I couldn’t take him or his proposal seriously.
I won’t go into the hows and the whys, but I discovered that he was married.

I was so fucking furious; I wanted to release a colony of fire ants on his balls. He made me into one person that I swore I’d never be… THE OTHER WOMAN.

I would never, knowingly, be an instrument to someone else’s pain (except his) that’s not how I roll.

But he never went away, even when I told him that I wanted him to die, when I was in other relationships, he never gave up. Which one could say would point to some instability.

I will admit that I’ve seen him a couple of times… sometimes I’m weak. Seeing him has been subsequent to his divorce. I still have some standards.

It’s been almost 4 years; he still says that he loves me… is that even possible? I don’t know, I personally am not sure I’ve ever been in love, so how could I know?

I have to be able to trust someone, I feel like if I gave in to him, moved in with him, whatever… that I’d never be able to trust him. He doesn’t travel anymore, so he probably has less opportunity…

And I really need some love.

But once a cheater, always a cheater… right??

Yes, I’m a Snob…

I’ve been called a Beer Snob and a Music Snob in the last couple of weeks.  I am not offended, it’s true, I am what I am.  I do not think that either of these monikers affect my ability to find a suitable mate, or even an unsuitable one for that matter.

I carry these titles with a little bit of pride, however, I do not brag, it’s not my style.

But, what is hindering me from finding an unsuitable mate, is the fact that I’m a little bit of a grammar snob.

Come on, I know I’m not alone.  I see enough eCards bitching about their, there and they’re to know that it’s a weeding out process that MANY of us implement.

I don’t AUTOMATICALLY judge based on a silly spelling error, everyone does it.  Poor spelling isn’t necessarily an indication of a low IQ, so I’ve heard.  I mean, I WAY overuse the ellipses.  My editor was always happy to point that out, but I’m stubborn and I love the ellipses.  “We don’t need to know when the writer pauses to think” he would say.  I think that you do.

I do have to say that a lack of the ability to use spell-check does indicate either lack of intelligence, lack of seriousness, lack of a give-a-fuck or an “I’m above trying” attitude.  None of that inability draws me.  Call me a snob.

Here is the messaging that inspired this post:

Dating site email:

Do you have a lot in common which is cool I was going get a tattoo down below that said noddy by nature lol do you like your tattoos very sexy reading your profile seems like you had a great personality an funny love that

My reply:
Lol well if you decide to get that tattoo, I’d spell it NAUGHTY or people will assume you can’t hold your head up… And if it’s downstairs, they will doubt your ability to obtain an erection… Just a word to the wise.
Thanks for the compliments btw…

His reply:
Oh my god that is too funny I don’t think they would care what it said lol if the horse was playing lol I think they would just want to saddle up in ride

Draw your own conclusions…

Come on folks, learn to spell!!!

Shit Magnet

I seem to get the most interesting emails on the dating site AFTER I’ve gone to sleep, apparently I still appear to be “online”.  Take this thread for example…

This dude kept sending messages, I guess he thought that I was ignoring him.

In one message he said “I love you, Kimberly”.

What the fuck?

So the next day I replied with “I think that you must have me confused with someone else.”

To which he replied “Kimberly is my ex, I was just trying to get your attention.”

Let me get this straight, this guy thinks that a good way to get a girl’s attention is by addressing her by his ex’s name?

Jeebus, it’s no wonder he’s still single.

I told him that it was just “bizarre”.

He apologized, said it was a mistake and he wouldn’t do it again, then said if I didn’t want to talk to him that he’d just move on.

I suggested that he move on, and not try the “Kimberly” thing with any other girl, because it will NEVER work.

Again, I wonder am I just a magnet for this crazy bullshit?

One more thing….

Remember the dramatic emails I got from the exes fiancé s recently?

Today, the ex, M, texts me and says “Now that everything has calmed down, T wants to know if you’re interested in make-up and skin care, and if she could add you to her Mary Kay mailing list.”

Fucking seriously?

I text back “Ummmm I kinda thought she hated me.”

Then he tells me that she never had a problem with me.

I just replied “M, she did have a problem with me.  She wrote an unkind, unprovoked email.  Now, that’s her thing.  But I don’t want drama and I don’t like it laid at my doorstep.  I love you as one of my dearest friends and I want you to be happy and I want the kids to be happy.  But it’s a little hard for me to act like it didn’t happen, especially when I didn’t deserve it.  And I’m allergic to Mary Kay make up anyway.”

Then he replied about T being harassed and his sister-in-law.

I told him that I was done talking about it.

Again, what is wrong with people? Why create drama and bullshit where there is none?  My life is too busy for that…

Accenting the Obvious

Accents…

Admit it, you either like them or you hate them.

Most people begin to immediately make assumptions about a person as soon as they hear a voice that doesn’t sound like their own.

Whether the assumptions carry any weight or not, that’s just how our minds seem to work.

You know that when you hear a southern, a New York, a Boston, a British, an Indian accent you already think that you know something about the person.  A little slow perhaps? Snooty? Sophisticated?

I’ll admit I’ve been a little swayed by a lovely accent before; I’ve dated Irish, British and Italian men.  But underneath the soliloquy, they’re just dudes.  We all know that there are assholes in every nationality.

These makes me think of a guy I once met on a dating site.  We started out texting, which is how I prefer things to go, then, late one night, he called me.

“Wow, you have an accent!”  Was his initial comment.

“Yea, I know, I’m not a Cincinnati native.”  I reply, thinking it will be the end of the discussion about my accent.  Which, by the way, isn’t a bad accent at all.  And the longer I live here, the slighter it becomes.

But… it went on and on…

“From looking at you, I’d never guess you had a country accent!”

Sheesh…

I may not look like a country girl, but, underneath all this ink… I am one.

I’ve always thought that I sounded like a hick and even as my accent becomes slighter, there are words that I know I’ll never be able to say “right”.  But that’s ok, that’s part of my charm.

Anyway, he kept going on and on about my accent, even trying to mimic it (or mock, I’m not sure).  I began to feel a little offended.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a chip on my shoulder, and I can accept some good natured teasing, but for fuck’s sake, he wouldn’t let it go.

I was sooooooo relieved when he got another call that he had to take.

Now, he could have been a perfectly nice guy who was a little nervous, not a good conversationalist or just a total dunce, I don’t know.

I have to put him in the same category as the guy who said I looked like a really cute cartoon character.

Oh yea, before I forget to mention it, TrippyBeth is smitten.

I know, look out and batten down the hatches!!

I don’t know if it will go anywhere, not sure if he’s smitten or not, all I know, right now, is that I like spending time with him…

Oh, don’t forget to check out my photo blog if you get the chance!!

http://reflectionsuponmyreality2.wordpress.com/

Improving Karma

Yesterday I get a text message from a number that was unknown to me asking “Is this B?”

I hesitate to answer.  But after a little while, I reply “Yes”.

Before I continue, let me give you the backstory.

Last fall (I think) I went to dinner with a guy, he was nice, we talked, I enjoyed dinner, but kinda knew he wasn’t for me.

However, we remained Facebook friends and would text from time to time.  There may have even been few drunken text messages exchanged on a couple of occasions.  He had invited me out for drinks several times, I never made it out.

I should also make this clear, we never even kissed, not once.

Ok, so fast forward to a couple of months ago.

I get this really nasty email on Facebook, from his GIRLFRIEND, who I didn’t even know existed.  I don’t remember everything the email said except for this statement “Your very existence offends me.”  And there was something about “she better not see me out anywhere.”  The last statement made me feel a little threatened.

So, I deleted the message, blocked both of them and moved on.

Back to yesterday’s text.

She replied saying that she was his GF  and she said “I think he lied to me about you and if so, I want to apologize.  I think he lied to me a lot about it all.  I’m sorry.”

I was floored, a gracious apology is not something that I’m accustomed to receiving.

She went on to tell me the things that he had said about me, which were 90% untrue.  That I was all jealous and kept hitting on him and dating his friends etc etc… so I can see how she formed her opinion of me.

I told her that I had been tempted to tell her about the relationship that he and I had (which really wasn’t a relationship at all) but, I  thought better of it, I wasn’t defending myself to someone I didn’t know for something I didn’t do.

I accepted her apology.

She asked “Did he, in fact, cheat on me?”

My reply “Not with me he didn’t.”

I told her that I am not the girl to go after a “taken” man or, especially, a man that didn’t want me!

We continued to chat a little bit, weird I know…  she mentioned that we were both photographers, we both write and we both have red hair… maybe that’s really the weird part?

Anyway, I don’t believe that he is beyond redemption (he probably would be if he was MY guy, but he’s not) I suggested that they talk about things and try to move on from it.

But, hey, what in the fuck do I know?????