It seems like when one ex attempts to resurface, they all do.

They may not even be exes that I had an official “relationship” with, they could just be someone that I dated and then I faded out (fading out is what I do… technically I never “broke up” with the last 3 guys I’ve dated).

I have had, in the last week, professions of love, offers to give me money and to buy new tires for my car, a confession that “no one else makes me feel the way you do”, an “I miss your cute ass” and various other admissions.

It is not my habit to go back for seconds… if something didn’t work, there was a reason and everyone should just move on.

One man was guilty of the first 3 admissions that I listed. He was a man that I once thought that I loved.

I’ll never forget the first night that we met… we had been chatting for a while, having met through a dating site.
It was the Friday after Thanksgiving almost 4 years ago. I was alone and bummed, so I proposed that we meet, THAT NIGHT.

He was working and wouldn’t be off until that evening, when he would take a taxi back into the city.

I volunteered to pick him up.

When he walked out to my car with his duffle bag thrown over his shoulder, I got butterflies in my tummy, it was a feeling I was unaccustomed to.

We chatted nervously on the drive, when we got back to the city, we stopped for a beer. Things began to flow at that point, we laughed, we flirted, and we made out in the car.

Things progressed, I traveled out of town with him a few times, and I felt like part of a couple.

Until I didn’t.

Around Christmas he got distant, traveling more, just being absent. It hurt and I backed off… way off.

I started dating other guys.

Then he was back, professing his love.

He asked me to go to Vegas with him and get married.

Something still felt hinky to me; I couldn’t take him or his proposal seriously.
I won’t go into the hows and the whys, but I discovered that he was married.

I was so fucking furious; I wanted to release a colony of fire ants on his balls. He made me into one person that I swore I’d never be… THE OTHER WOMAN.

I would never, knowingly, be an instrument to someone else’s pain (except his) that’s not how I roll.

But he never went away, even when I told him that I wanted him to die, when I was in other relationships, he never gave up. Which one could say would point to some instability.

I will admit that I’ve seen him a couple of times… sometimes I’m weak. Seeing him has been subsequent to his divorce. I still have some standards.

It’s been almost 4 years; he still says that he loves me… is that even possible? I don’t know, I personally am not sure I’ve ever been in love, so how could I know?

I have to be able to trust someone, I feel like if I gave in to him, moved in with him, whatever… that I’d never be able to trust him. He doesn’t travel anymore, so he probably has less opportunity…

And I really need some love.

But once a cheater, always a cheater… right??