I’ve been on a lot of first dates, a few second dates… sometimes I just ended up being friends with the guy. And everyone lives happily ever after…
Until the point I realize that we are not, in fact, friends.
I just discovered this with Metal Guy (MG). I saw MG 2 times a few months back. He was a nice interesting guy, that I just didn’t see or feel anything happening with.
He never “made a move” on me, so I assumed that he felt the same way. It’s all good.
Fast forward to yesterday, when I do something stupid, because… well because it’s just what I do.
MG is a computer graphic guy and I had this awesome image that I had taken and edited, I thought he’d appreciate it. So I sent it to him and asked him how he was.
He says he’s ok, then it goes to shit.
He says how disappointed he was, that he was hopeful about me and asked what he did wrong.
Fuck… I hate this.
I told him that he did nothing wrong, which he didn’t, I just wasn’t sure what I wanted at the time. I tried to avoid saying that I just didn’t “feel it”.
He mentioned being “bitter” which surprised me and I apologized. He asked me why I apologized and I said it was for inspiring bitterness.
He said if it wasn’t me it would probably have been someone else.
When I got home from work last night, I went “off the grid” which means disconnecting from all electronics. They’re exhausting and I’d been suffering from insomnia.
While I was disconnected, he texted and asked “If I asked you out again, would you?”
I saw the message this morning and I didn’t reply. I know, rude.
So, about an hour ago I get another text from him saying “wow”.
I told him about going off the grid and said that I didn’t know. That I thought he was pretty intense and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that.
He didn’t believe me, said that I was rude and that he should thank me because he “dodged a bullet” with me… oh and that he’d lose my number “with a quickness”.
There were and continue to be more texts… I feel like an ass. I hate it when I feel like an ass .
But, I was, obviously, not wrong about him being too intense.
Reflections Upon My Skin 
:// It’s crazy that he has held onto that for a couple of months and the first contact you make with him he lets it all out. I wonder if it is best to be honest, but I know that in itself is awkward too…you chat with someone, talk on the phone and then meet and say “yea, not feeling you, sorry”…IDK…
I am really blindsided by all of it.
He said that the fact that he’s so hurt by it just emphasized how much he liked me…
I didn’t want to hurt him, or anyone for that matter…
I still feel like an ass.
I don’t think you should – given the situation I think anyone else would have felt the same way. He didn’t exactly come out with his true feelings at the time, so he cannot be upset about you casually contacting him now, weeks later, with a friendly chat. I think he hurt himself, imho.
Agreed – he seems VERY intense and difficult to communicate with. Think of the mood swings he would’ve subjected you to!
You are the one who dodged a bullet.
Maybe so…
I wish I didn’t feel bad about it, this may be why dating isn’t for me.
You come across as empathetic and caring, which is a good way to be. You also know when to say when. Some kind and caring people never master that, but you seem to be doing just fine.
Thanks Julie, that made me feel better 🙂
Sounds like you are the one who dodged a bullet! I hate the awkwardness that comes with having to tell someone “thanks but no thanks” Eeek! I have started to tell guys that I am just not interested in seeing them again and if they ask I do say because i’m not ‘feeling’ it. It sounds silly but it does work. Dating sucks and when you have people who make you feel bad when you haven’t done anything wrong it sucks even more. Don’t take it on as something you have done. The guy sounds way too intense!
Yeah, I feel for you. I hate turning down guys and making the whole situation awkward. But, I think he’s an ass for not taking his chances when he had them there and then at the beginning and now he’s going all weird about it. He made you think that he wasn’t interested in the first place. What’s his problem?
Why on earth should YOU feel like an ass??? It’s happens to all of us on both sides. It’s hard to know the right thing to do, and especially hard to know how one will take rejection. This dating crap isn’t easy, on anyone. He’s got issues…issues that have absolutely nothing to do with you. That’s probably why you weren’t “feeling” it. You should be grateful instead for having the intuition to know this isn’t the right guy, even if you didn’t really understand it at first.
I know that I shouldn’t, I just hate the idea of hurting someone’s feelings, but then I get a little mad that he made me feel bad for hurting his feelings…
Some things a person should keep to themselves.
His feelings are hurt because you did not feel for him the way he wanted. That’s on him, not on you. I guess in all fairness, you should be hurt because he is not feeling for you the way YOU want…hmmm.
That is an excellent point!
I definitely feel less shitty about it today!
Good! And do not lose his number…I have a feeling he’ll try to dip in once and awhile when he’s feeling particularly shitty himself to see if he can drag you down with him. Be sure to make appropriate contact name for him so you don’t fall for it.
More good advice…
Sadly we frequent the same area of town, I’m sure we will run into one another at some point….
Intense doesn’t seem to cover this guy. Overbearing, Needy, future Stalker, crazy, off his meds, that may cover it. Intense.. maybe not.. lol